On the 4th Day of Christmas

I hear the Father say,

"When Eve stood in the garden and became ashamed at her beauty my heart broke. I was not angry in the way many have thought, I was heartbroken. She did not believe that she was anything like Me, the adversary corrupted her beautiful mind when he tempted her with a lie- If you do this you will be like God. The truth is, she was already like Me," says the Father. And so I sent Mary. Mary answered, be it unto me according to thy word. I wanted Eve back- I restored through Mary what was robbed from Eve. In you resides two thoughts that are at war with each other- One thought asks, Did He really say that I am loved? and the other thought is counter to the first and answers, Be it unto me according to thy word- I believe. Words are floating through the air like seeds, looking for a place to land. Whose word will you believe?

I adore you. There is nothing you can do right or wrong that can earn or take away my love, you simply must believe. Belief in my word is belief in me. Belief floats about the earth like delicate invitations suspended in the air. You will see signs, you will see words, you will look up into the heavens and experience a single snowflake fall and land in your hand with the ornate invitation, Will you Believe? That is my love language. And when you speak those words silently, under your breath, or even think them in your mind, I stop everything to listen. Those are love words to me, Beloved.

"Let me convince you that what I did for Eve to restore her to love through Mary I did for you. Within your makeup lies two opinions, that of Eve and that of Mary. Will you trust that I am a good Father, or will you receive the twist in the truth and believe the father of lies? Within the womb of Mary, I placed a seed of Hope. Today you will comprehend that that seed of Hope is not an infant or small in stature, but it is I, fully alive and fully in love, the Risen Christ within you!

"So Rise Up Beloved! Remove the grave clothes of shame and let me place around your shoulders My Righteousness. As I hovered over Mary to bring new life, I hover over you this day. New Life kicks within you, Beloved, the resurrection life of the Promise. This time as the day of celebration approaches, you will not celebrate the birth of an infant child, rather, you will celebrate the new birth of the Risen Christ within you. The Radiance of My Love, My Resurrection Power transforms you now oh Captive of My Heart. Be transformed as your mind unwraps this ancient truth; as Mary's foot crushed the head of the serpent when she chose to carry my human form, so have you crushed the head of that father of lies because you carry My Life Presence within you. You are fully alive, as I am fully alive. Today the shame of Eve is displaced by the reality of who I am in you and who you are in Me, says the Father of Lights.

~ * ~

Words have power. Jesus is the word. The words my mother spoke over me as a child were not blessings and the most consistent phrase I heard from her was "Your mouth is going to get you in a world of trouble." Words. Words create or they destroy.

In 2000, God asked us to leave our church. A year later He called us to meet in a home church. We took turns meeting at different homes. Our group was anywhere from 20 to 30 adults at a time and children added to that number ranging in age from infancy to teenage. I was so fearful of the men when we would gather because men had abused me. The Father was speaking to me but I was timid and didn't comprehend at that time that I had the same authority. I remember one time sitting around in a huge circle beneath the Ponderosa Pines, casually sharing Christ when I burst into tears and admitted to the intense fear I had of men. One of the men in our group, said to me, "Darcy, be free. Be free." And those words entered me, I received them and I believed them and I was free. I had to walk it out though. I had to experience that freedom. So I did.

I began speaking up when the Holy Spirit nudged me. I spoke as a prophet. My confidence increased and the shame lost its grip. The perspectives I held that were reminiscent of Eve within my makeup began to change. The Father gave me plenty of opportunities to express His nature. A lot happened; a total of three children, living a year in New England, returning to Colorado, returning to school to get my masters in counseling, writing and following Christ, but I wasn't satisfied with following Him, I wanted to walk with Him, side by side in unity.

He led me to an international ministry where I gained even more confidence as a prophet and was validated as a woman. Then the Father had me join a second ministry in the heart of our city. I rejoiced to be able to use all of my knowledge as a counselor and anointing as a prophet to teach the homeless and the mentally ill about prophecy, how to hear the word of God, and counsel them through their bondage and into freedom.

Behind my back and the back of the board, the man who owned the ministry hired two more people. I went from being hired as the director and became a member of a team of three directors. He knew me from when we had been called out of organized religion and I don't think that ever sat right with him. Then he went on to order a private meeting, to request that I wouldn't counsel. One of the new directors was an old client of mine, and the ethical responsibility I felt weighed heavily upon me, especially when he gave that person the authority to oversee who I counseled. The entire thing became a twisted mess. I didn't feel protected or supported and it was reminisicent from the feelings of having to survive when I was a youth.

The words, the opinions, became like a shower of fire and my body responded. My energy decreased. My vision was impacted. The memory of my past abuse began to bubble up like lava around me. Amid the accusations all I heard was the accuser screaming, Get out! You don't belong! You never belonged! The shame of Eve and the betrayal of Adam flooded my mind, my body, and my soul, and this gave the enemy direct access to my nervous system. The old way of responding in Fight, Flight, or Freeze returned to me as my brain returned to survival mode. I tried to stand, I tried to believe, I tried to work with the changes but it was too much for me. I had to leave.

The accusations continued and the words found good soil in me. I became like Eve, doubting who I was to the Father but embracing the lies of the enemy. My accuser mocked me and the same words he used on Eve found their way to me- Did He really say? Did he really choose you? Who do you think you are? A year later after a significant decrease in brightness in my left eye, I had an MRI done. My brain had been so impacted by the abuse from my youth and it had all been exacerbated by the constant stress of working in a volatile work environment. Like my nerves in that moment, the myelin sheath, the protective coating around my brain and nervous system had worn thin.

The years of abuse and being stuck in a constant state of survival and Fight, Flight or Freeze had made their mark and the diagnosis came like the foreboding of the final nail driven into a coffin. And just as I lifted that hammer to accept the diagnosis of MS, it was like Gabriel had come down from heaven, grabbed that hammer mid-swing, and declared to me,

But death has no power over Love!

...and I learned that love was not just an emotion like I thought, but a God, a Father, my Father, from whom I was made.